Songs
by heyilikezombies
Summary: One Word Writing Prompt For Kate Austen: Songs. - There's something about Patsy Cline that's always been comforting to Kate. And so she sings to herself as she strolls along the beach, trying to conceal how much her heart is hurting. Then, of course, he's there, and this time, not even Patsy can help her calm down.


_"I fall to pieces. Each time I see you again. I fall to pieces. How can I be just your friend?"_

Kate kicked at the sand, singing to herself as she strolled down the beach. Patsy Cline always had a way of soothing her, especially when she was in the middle of a bad situation like she was.

_"You want me to act like we've never kissed. You want me to forget, pretend we never met."_

The relevance of the lyrics were starting to sink in and the brunette's eyes began to sting, tears springing forward, blurring her vision. The lyrics to this particular song were really tugging on her heartstrings. She wouldn't admit it, but all she could think of was Sawyer the entire time.

_"And I've tried, and I've tried, but I haven't yet."_

She could see him in her mind's eye with Juliet, the way he looked at her, the way she looked back at him; and it hurt. She wouldn't say it aloud, not ever - for Jack, Juliet and Sawyer's sake - but the moment she'd seen Sawyer with her, Kate's entire heart had felt like it was crumbling. It was a mystery to her how she'd held herself together at all and managed the smile that she did.

_"You walk by, and I f-"_

**_"- I fall to pieces."_**

Kate jumped at his voice. She hadn't the slightest idea that he was out there. She would've thought he would be back with the Dharma crew, back with Juliet; not out on the beach.

Had he followed her?

"Patsy Cline, huh?" He asked rhetorically, stepping out from the trees. "You got a Hell of a voice, Kate. You oughta sing more."

Whether or not he was playing around with her, Kate didn't know. Either way, it didn't matter. All she knew was that she had to paste a smile on her face. It was strained and it was painful, but it was a smile, right?

"It's not for me," she said, stopping short to look over at Sawyer. He came up beside her, looking out at the ocean, and she did the same. "Nobody beats Patsy."

Kate looked up at him in time to catch him smirking, his dimples making the divots in his face that she'd had been seeing in her dreams for the last three excruciatingly long years. It made her throat tighten, strangling her with emotion.

More than anything, she wanted Sawyer to be happy and safe. If he was happy with Juliet, then who was she to get in the way? She wouldn't let her weakness put him at fault. That just wasn't who she was.

"Patsy." He repeated. "I take it you're a big fan, then." He implied, sitting down in the sand with a sigh, still looking out at the waves rolling into shore.

The brunette nodded and eased herself down so that she was sitting next to him. "Been listening since I was a kid."

To her surprise, he raised his eyebrows and nodded once, his smirk falling back into place on his lips. "That makes two of us."

She smiled over at him and ducked her head a bit. "You have a favorite?" There were tears in her eyes, but she looked at him anyway. Their gazes locked on each other, and again, something tightened in her chest.

"Walkin' After Midnight," He admitted.

_No. Not that one. Any one but that one._

"Why don't you sing a little bit for me, Freckles?"

**_Freckles._**

Kate felt like she'd been slapped to the face. Both the revival of her old nickname and the way Sawyer's expression had changed after he said the song title made her stomach churn. All of a sudden, it had looked like he was the one who was hurting.

"Oh, no," She said, shaking her head. She couldn't sing that song. Of all the Patsy Cline songs he could've picked, why did he have to pick _that _one? "I really don't -"

"Kate," He interrupted, searching her eyes solemnly. They looked sad, yearning, wistful. "Please," He whispered.

Kate would go on walks back home, long ones, just roaming up and down the highway like she had when she was on the run. She would go on these walks really late, and sometimes she'd stay out until the early hours of the morning. She didn't know what she was searching for - _who_ she was searching for - because she knew that he wouldn't be there. But she went out every night despite that, just after she put Aaron to bed.

After awhile, she found that if she didn't stay out long enough, long enough to tire herself out, she wasn't able to sleep; not that she got much anyway. But every single time she'd go out for a walk, this was the song she'd sing to herself. And every single time,

She'd think of **him**.

Kate sighed softly and looked out at the ocean, beginning to sing slowly and softly.

_"I go out walkin' after midnight, out in the moonlight, just like we used to do. I'm always walkin' after midnight searching for you."_

She felt Sawyer's gaze on her, but she kept looking forward for fear that he'd see the tears in her eyes that were dangerously close to falling.

_"I walk for miles along the highway. Well, that's just my way of sayin' 'I love you'. I'm always walkin' after midnight searching for you."_

She was looking up at the sky now, a lump forming in her throat that she was struggling to sing over.

_"I stopped to see a weepin' willow, cryin' on his pillow. Maybe he's cryin' for me. And as the skies turn gloomy, night winds whisper to me. I'm lonesome as I can be."_

She repeated the last few lines again, making sure to avoid Sawyer's eyes at all costs. One look at him right then, and she was sure she'd break down.

_"I go out walkin' after midnight. Out in the starlight. Just hopin' you may be somewhere out walkin' after midnight,"_

She paused and took a shaky breath in, a single silent tear running down her cheek.

_"Searchin' for me."_

She didn't turn to face the man sitting next to her, didn't wipe the tear from her face; she only pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on top of them. She watched as the waves crashed down, urging the burning in her chest to go away.

Being with him hadn't ever been this painful before; not even when she first saw him a few days ago. But now, as they were both sitting together, Kate felt as if there was somebody driving a nail into her chest, each tap of the hammer against the it plunged it a little deeper into her heart until it would go no further. Every little movement she made, every tiny breath she took, every thought in her mind was just another slap of the hammer against the nail.

Sawyer was the one to break the silence.

"I'm sorry," He breathed. His voice was husky and low, his words aimed at the sand rather than at Kate.

The brunette finally turned to look at him, trying to steady her breathing. She studied his face, eyes. Were those…_ tears_?

She had to force herself to look away, her breath catching in her chest before she spoke again. "You have nothing to be sorry for." She clenched her jaw.

He bowed his head even lower and chuckled darkly to himself. "I never thought I'd see you again…"

"I know." Kate whispered, squeezing her eyes shut tight.

"It's okay."


End file.
